that little face

(Pardon me. This entry is all about motherhood and if you don't like listening to mothers rave or rant about motherhood, just skip this entry)

How do I leave that little face crying every morning as I step out the door? It's heartwrenching, oh yes. But I have to. Lately, I've been feeling I'm not strong enough to be a mom. How could my own mother be so patient with all five of us? How could she have the strength to walk out on us every morning to earn a living, despite our crying faces?

Tell me, my fellow mothers, just how do you cope? How does one become a mom? How does one get the strength to leave that little crying face in the morning? I'm not sure.

All I know is that I only have one shot with this role. If I fail, I would have terribly failed to make an individual grow to the best of her abilities. I would have terribly failed to raise an individual who will never stop to struggle for what's best for her and society. I would have terribly failed to be a mom.

I don't have the answers. And sometimes, I don't have the strength. I think of my own mother, who despite her growing number of white hair and wrinkles on her stunning beauty, gave us all she could. I remember her with a big embrace when I went home that fateful early morning, many years ago with my heart ripped apart into pieces by a man I truly loved.

The embrace of a mother still is the safest place in this crazy world. I hope my own daughter feels the same way, too everytime I embrace her with my thin arms.

The truth about motherhood is that it hurts a lot. It hurts to see that little face crying every morning everytime I head out the door to search for the day's news. I can only hope that someday, she will understand. I hope, I do, too.

I only have one shot. This isn't like a career where you can get second and third chances. This one's crucial and I hope I muster enough energy to become the mother that I should be.

How? How? How? How do I leave that little crying face? Please somebody tell me how.